The "Wind" is getting up !

Chana Masala

Gobi Aloo

Alas dear friends, it isn't a change in barometric pressure which causing this phenomena, rather it is the preponderance of pulses in my all too familiar diet of veggie food. To be eating Indian food 3 times a day is on one level a joy, on another it is a trial for an inveterate carnivore such as yours truly. In the spirit of honesty I can divulge that I'm enjoying the Indian version of "veggie food" better than any effort I've seen passed off in the UK. The downside is the effect all these vegetables are having on my digestive system.

There are fewer more embarrassing things than having to stifle the side effects of such a high dose of plant life, especially whilst in the company of sari clad, graceful women. I assume they have a similar problem since meat is non-existent in the Hindu diet, yet they manage to pass muster rather than wind. Anyway enough of the toilet humour!

Today was fairly innocuous especially after the bottom squeaking events of yesterdays drive to work! 

Laiah has a day off since her pupils are sitting Hindi exams so she gets to sample the delights of my work-place. My cover is well and truly blown now, since everyone else here works in appalling circumstances in the slums and mine is palatial! That said, the fact that she came to the class with me meant that the young men were suitably quiet, with only questions about how old was she and did she have a boy-friend? This prompted me to say that he was 6ft 5ins tall and weighed 14 stones, this figment of my imagination was enough to quell their post-pubescent queries.

The day went well and I did make them work for their corn so to speak. Embarrassingly my mobile phone went off in class. The upshot was that I had to stump up my fine, which I'd threatened to impose if anyone had a mobile phone switched on during lesson time. They were magnanimous in telling me not to, but the rule is the same for me as it is for them (except my fine is larger), and the deed was done! I may regret the vast sum of 19 rupees (nearly 25p), but the fine will bring us in some "Khana" tomorrow for our "Tiffin/Tea" break.

A wee observation; as I was coming through the alley to the office, I had to step round a tiny old woman (She must have been in her 80's), sitting cross legged on the concrete path and having a 40 wink break from watching her Grandkids. Her husband does a variety of wee jobs round about and he too must be nearer 90 than 70! My heart tells me to empty my wallet and let her get a break from her toils, but perhaps nearer the time when I'm coming home. Life can be hard sometimes, but the wee soul just made me think how lucky we are in Scotland to have a safety net which is conspicuous by it's absence here in "Mother India".

Where are my "Rosary Beads" when I need them?

 Dear readers, 

Verily my bottom was squeaking so tightly at lunchtime today, I swear that even WD40 wouldn't have helped! 

I was being driven to work in abnormally heavy traffic on the main road when we came to an almighty traffic jam, the like of which I'd not encountered even in Delhi! 

No big deal I hear you say; and normally you'd be right and I'd agree (having become yoga like in my approach to the vagaries of Delhi traffic).

 The point of this was, that we were stuck in this jam next to a car that burst into flames. the initial flames were slightly alarming and our mini extinguisher wouldn't have dented the flames so to speak. These flames became an inferno in a matter of seconds (the car's occupants had done a runner by this time), and the first thing that crossed both Kewal and my minds simultaneously but in different languages was "Shit what if the tank blows" as it had every potential for so doing. If it was a CNG car then it is just as bad, in either event I am beginning to feel very, very afraid with a vision of a loud bang and then infinity with my body parts and those of several hundred round about us being scattered over the flyover and underpass some 100 yards away. 

 The "frigging" traffic lights are at red still and the jam is not moving an inch! Despite everyone blasting their horns at the people in front, the punters who're crossing the road show no sign of letting us or anyone else through and now my rear end is the same temperature as the flaming car not 6 feet from my window. By now people are beginning to make a dart for it on foot or driving their cars up onto the pavement and barging all and sundry out of the road to get as far away as possible from the potential explosion, yet Kewal and I are stuck like a couple of turkeys with no exit and too close in anyone's language. 

 As if by a message from some ancient Hindu god, whether Ganesh, Shiva or anyone else in the pantheon of Hindu gods, the lights change to green and we set off (everyone that is) like the start of the Le Mans 24 hour race to get as much distance between us and the raging inferno/potential bomb as quickly as humanly possible. I'd calmed down to a frenzy by the time we got to the school, but in total frankness I'd had a scare which I could have done without and hope never to repeat. I didn't hear any explosion, so assume that either the fire brigade had got there (I doubt that with the volume of traffic) or that the tank was empty and the whole thing just burnt out. I'll know better tomorrow when I pass by again. 

The rest of the day was insignificant by comparison, so I'll brush over that. Namaste from a very relieved part time teacher in Delhi.

The "Teacher" is back on his own

 I have a late start from now on and that means a long lie in if I want! The reality is I still get up at the same time, and in any event the ladies are all doing Yoga in our living room at 6.30 a.m. I would have joined the class but hey ho an old war wound (2 artificial knees) prevent my joining in. The women tell me they enjoy it and that it is doing them good. I'll take their word for it as the prospect of the "Lotus Position" on a marble floor has all the desirability of a Cactus enema. 

I went to the centre this afternoon not knowing if I'd have any students since the time had been changed, but to my delight the first one in was the class stud Deepak, he's a really good looking young man who has the girls eating out of his hand, but every now and then you'll find him trying a flanker!

 Despite this I can't help but like him. He'd come in because he thought I'd be lonely if no-one came because of the time change (a possibility). Shortly thereafter, 3 of the girls also came in, one of whom is on a fast, as today is a special feast day for Shiva. Next thing another of the guys turned up. I'm really touched by this as it took effort on their part to do it! Such kindness is the norm in India and it is touching as I don't think it would happen in some of our schools. 

I've decided to dive further into the Ganges and get myself a working Indian outfit with the long shirt, white cotton trousers and a waistcoat! If the suit is anything to go by then this will be pretty cheap, mind you where am I going to wear it in Stonehaven? Maybe when I go to the carry-out for a "Ruby Murray". 

Going to breakfast this morning at the office, I was watched intently by a monkey which meandered out from one of the gardens, he was quite large and it leaves me thinking where does he doss down at night as we're in the city centre? I forgot to mention that when I was at Gandhi's burial plot on Saturday as I stepped out of the rickshaw I almost stood in the basket in which a snake charmer had his cobra ready to perform for any unsuspecting balloon like me. The thought of destroying his source of income was bad enough, the thought that the cobra might have been slightly pee'd off with me standing on him is another matter altogether, anyway I moved to the left somewhat sharpish so as not to offend either party. 

 Namaste Doste

Paying respect to "Mahatma" Gandhi and being stroked on the chin by a transvestite !

 Saturday morning and the living is easy! A lie in with a leisurely read at the papers and omelette and toast with "Chai" to wash it down is the order of the day! It's going to be another scorcher (well for me at any rate!) Fully fuelled for whatever I choose to do, my conscience gives me a dunt and reminds me that there is still so much else to see in Delhi and behaving like a sloth who's constipated is not the answer, so I jump in a rickshaw and head to Gandhi's burial spot. 

Not realising that the journey is likely to be anything like it turned out was a error of judgement on my part! It took all my patience (I know I don't have much but what I have got) not to get out the rickshaw and clock the policeman who held us up at a junction for 20 mins while he let all the rest of the main and side roads through. Still Mother India and all that! The ride was almost 2 hours and a chiropractor would go down well now after the journey! The plot itself is in a sunken garden with an eternal flame burning and the devotees passing by the tomb are dignified as you'd expect for someone for whom over a billion and a quarter people still regard as almost God like. No chance of any British politician being buried in such a fashion. Next up I went to the Lodhi Gardens, described as the lungs of Delhi and with the vehicles on the road no wonder they need so many parks. This one is about the size of all the parks in Aberdeen combined, still it was shady in parts and I'd now become the owner of a cricket hat to keep the sun at bay. 

 This is another wee step into some metamorphous on my part, eating veggie stuff, liking cricket and drinking chai. Disconcerting or what? Maybe I'm becoming the archetypal "Brown Englishman" that the colonials were trying to make the Indians. I've broken the journey home up by stopping off in Connaught Place for some Chinese food and a Kingfisher beer since I've missed lunch at the base. I think the real reason I needed the beer was that on the way to Connaught Place a "Trannie" leant into the rickshaw and stroked my chin departing back along the line before he could interpret the words "Feck Off" and get a shave! The driver was bemused by this and to a certain extent I was too since, in all my 62 years I've never been approached by anyone gay, much less a man in a sari. 

P.S. that is not a plea for any gay attention in case there is any doubt. This kaleidoscope of senses in Delhi continues to fascinate me, despite the obvious signs of poverty and begging which I have to force myself to turn a "Nelson's eye" to. 

 Namaste from Delhi

"Bubbling" as Barbara bows out ! More Delhi memories

 There were some wet eyes this morning in the class as Barbara bowed out of her assignment. The kids had got her a cake with a candle on it, and some pepsi and lemonade with crisps etc; and we cut the lesson short so that we could all gather in the classroom and they could say farewell. They'd also bought her some presents and it was a wee bit emotional. The assistant Director also went out and bought her a gift which was really nice as they haven't really seen eye to eye! Photographs with mobile phones were the order of the day and two with a proper camera for posterity. There is a mini-crisis for my ongoing placement at the Habitat Learning Centre, in that they want me to change my times of work there to the afternoon. For me this is no big deal but it does mean that the kids I've had each day, may not get there in the afternoon and that is a pity! 

It does mean that I may get a whole new or part new bunch and have to start from scratch. That is a bit frustrating but I'm only the unpaid hired help, and the progress Barbs and I have made with our group may well stagnate. I hope not for their sakes, as they'd warm your heart with their attitude and happy faces (even a cynical old prat like me!). As she flies out tonight at midnight for a 20 hour flight back to Detroit with a 6 hour stopover in New York it is going to be a long day/night for her! So farewell to her and I hope she enjoys her new life in Orlando where she's going to work for the Disney corporation!

She's worked with a clown for a fortnight so Mickey Mouse should be a doddle! 

For me it is a relatively quiet weekend in Delhi again, and the girls are organised for the movies etc. Next weekend will be enough as we have a train journey of 8 hours to do, and I'll have a better description of the train and it's facilities (?) after it, certainly if the buses are anything to go by, it will be an eye opener. I've had to get my daughter Fe to send a stroppy message to BT (how unlike me to pen something sarcastic and stroppy to a contractor?) as the plonkers have disconnected my mobile phone, as the usage seems high to them! Why did I bother telling them I was coming out here, if they're not going to pay any attention to it and cut me off? It's left me a bit isolated pro tempore but if it isn't back on in 24 hours then they'll have broken their side of the contract and I've no compunction in getting someone else, and indeed it appears I can get a fairly cheap mobile here after all and pay up front for air-time with inbound calls free with Air Tel of India.

Namaste

Scotrail eat your heart out ! Back a decade to Delhi

 Today is Barbara's 2nd last day as she goes back to Detroit tomorrow night. She's been a big help and in some respects I'll miss her help and advice. In the afternoon she and I went to a golf driving range and knocked a couple of buckets of balls and with the hire of a driver it came to almost 2$, such extravagance! 

As an aside when we were being driven back from the Habitat learning centre we had to overtake two camels and two elephants at lunchtime, in fact they were making better progress than the cars. 

Last night the girls and I were organising a couple of trips! One to Goa in March (towards the end of month) and to Amritsar to the Golden Temple in a weeks time. The girls (having the technical ability, booked and paid for the flights online). The train was another matter, and the trains this weekend are sold out with a waiting list of too many to contemplate. The only answer is for me to go down to the station myself and see what can be done about the following weekend. 

Being me I decide to avoid the "tourist" booth in the main station and go with the Sikh driver to the Indian ticket office, it was a hoot! The place was heaving to the gills with Indian guys and a single solitary pale face (but he did have a sense of humour and a tattoo with Mother India in Sanskrit on his upper arm), this latter aspect was enough to get by and eventually I got 3 returns (not in the class I'd have liked for me and the girls Laiah and Shanta), and the train we are booked on takes an hour more than the express we'd wanted for the outbound journey, on the plus side we are booked on the express on the return journey. I bet Scotrail would sell their souls for the queues and waiting lists for every seat on their trains! 

Shanta has booked us a hotel room at 450 rupees each a night (9$) and it has a rooftop restaurant with cushions outside on the roof and a view of the Golden Temple! The older women would have a heart attack if they thought they had to pay less than 120$. As an aside the "Trout with the Pout" is leaving and has given bad feedback from which the rest of us are quite taken aback, since we are all really entering into the way of life of Delhi. 

Namaste from 30 deg C and wall to wall sunshine.

Britain is unravelling and the Monarchy is heading for the dustbin of history!

The headline above will undoubtedly lose me some "friends" on social media, but in truth, the fact remains that the "United" Kingdom which is no more united than is having, joint membership to the Orange Order and the Ancient Order of Hibernian !

These two "Orders" are as diametrically opposite as it is physically possible to be ! 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then there was the "United Kingdom" which with the advent of Brexit is now more "Untied" than "United".

Pre Brexit

Post Brexit

Notwithstanding the inbuilt desire in Scotland for some form of self governance, this removal from the E.U. via England's majority for Brexit this was metaphorically speaking the "cat among the pigeons". 

The referendum for Brexit in Scotland was a substantial vote of 62-38% in favour of remaining, whereas the overall UK figure was 51.9-48.1% for leaving. The disparity could hardly be more stark and the end result has been an unprecedented rise in support for Independence. 

There were a couple of areas in Scotland for which the rise in support did not reflect the nationwide movement. Predominantly the North East of Scotland in which the fishing industries dominate. This was to prove a false dawn as they found out that Boris Johnson's word was not his bond!

Who'd have thought that Trawler Skippers could be such gullible twerps ?

Boris "selling" the Peterhead Fishing Industry a "Sprat" for a mackerel. The fact remains that the loss of EU markets has dealt the Fishing Industry, if not a mortal blow, then a wound that will fester for a long time to come.

I am genuinely captivated with a book by Gavin Esler (see below) which has summarised the status of Britain to a tee! Not that this summary white-washes Scotland by any means, but it does give clarity and objectivity to the debate around the unravelling of the UK. In the interests of economics I got my copy via Kindle for a mere British Pound (£); and is probably the best £1 I've spent ever.

The Monarchy

This is the part at which my ex-RAF colleagues and I diverge and probably by 180 degrees.

The line of succession of the House of Windsor (a.k.a. Saxe-Coburg-Gotha);

The name Saxe-Coburg-Gotha came into the British Royal Family in 1840 
with the marriage of Queen Victoria to Prince Albert, Duke of Saxe-Coburg & Gotha. 

Queen Victoria herself was the last monarch of the House of Hanover.
The House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha as a British dynasty was short-lived. 
It encompassed the reign of King Edward VII, who reigned for nine years 
at the beginning of the modern age in the early years of the twentieth century, 
and the first seven years of his son, King George V, 
who replaced the German-sounding title with that of Windsor in 1917
during the First World War. 

From the outset let me make clear that E II R or Queen Elizabeth 
the second of England should be in fact Queen Elizabeth the first of Scotland, 

Actually, I hold her in high esteem since during her reign of approaching 70 years, 
she has at all times remained above and aloof from, Westminster Politics. 

Despite the attempts of certain political party leaders to inveigle her into their webs. 
Cameron in 2014 springs to mind.

However the same cannot be said for her eldest son Charles, whose infamous 
"Black Spider Letters" show that he most assuredly does not keep 
himself and his opinion out of the political arena. 

Now it transpires that William and his wife Kate too, seem to be 
being sucked into the morass of British politics. 

In the case of Scotland, they publicly view the country as some 
sort of tartan holiday arena where according to William they feel an 
affinity with the people! 

Personally I feel this is patronising baloney since the idea 
that they (William & Kate) had to scrape by using food banks and 
on a financial pittance like so many across the British Isles is risible.

The University of St Andrews is the only real connection both of them 
have with the Scots and of course their free issue titles 
"The Earl and Countess of Strathearn" and William is of course 
"Lord High Commissioner for the Church of Scotland".

High Commissioner of an institution which is haemorrhaging participants 
quicker than Boris Johnson does sexual partners is hardly inspiring in 
terms of becoming the Monarch of a Dis-United Kingdom. 

The future of the former UK will be decided by the future voting public, 
and if the youth have anything to do with it, then the idea of a 
non tax paying monarchy for whom wealth is an essential part of the 
pantomime is according to statistics is a non-runner.