The "Master" of Farce is neither Trump nor Boris !

Regular readers of these minor missives of mine will be assuming that this is going to be another rant at "Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson".

Disappointment then, when the real "Master of Farce" turns out not to be a politician (even if I think the above mentioned Etonian is up near the top of the farce league).

No, the undoubted master of the art of farcical humour is Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse K.B.E. known to his friends as "Plum" as well as the author of the Jeeves and Wooster books and a host of plays, films and many other literature gems such as "Lord Emsworth and Blandings" with the Empress of that name (A very fat pig).

The "feather brained" and intellectual lightweight Bertie Wooster and his discerning, not to say sagacious man servant Jeeves !

Notwithstanding his sense of the ridiculousness of the lifestyle which Bertie Wooster and his ilk enjoyed (?) in the twenties; PG Wodehouse himself did have a certain naivety or more probably an innocence towards the real world !

Plum and his wife Ethel had in the 1930's moved to Northern France for reasons best known to rich people in those days; "Tax Avoidance".  

Such was his naivety though, that he didn't escape the German invasion in 1940 and was duly interred. He was  taken into custody and "Von Trapped" into making a short series of broadcasts ostensibly to the USA called "How to be an Internee without Training".

The reaction to what was in essence, mild Wodehouse "digs" at his captors with the 5 broadcasts, backfired spectacularly on the naive Plum back in the UK, ending up with him being truly reviled by the mainstream press. 

In particular, there was a journalist (?) in the Daily Mirror whom I can remember from my early days in the RAF, called "Cassandra" who described PG as a Nazi Collaborator although his naivety surely points in another direction to the innocence of farce !

I have to thank George Orwell for prompting this series of memories which in turn are acting as a nightcap in the futile search for sleep as a Septuagenarian !

"Last Night of the Plums"

 The debate over the choice of music on what would normally be a banquet of neo-colonialism with a generous helping of bunting and flag waving Imperialism was pretty stupid since there was never going to be an audience !

In truth, I personally have always enjoyed the music in "Last Night of the Proms" even if the flag-waving paraphernalia was a bit over the top. 

Musically, Elgar was quintessentially England, warm beer & Worcestershire and with apologies to my old RAF colleague Richard Osler and my favourite "Antiques Expert" Philip Searle, anathema to most of us on this side of "Hadrian's Wall" !

How many of you remember "Land of Hope and Glaary" from this gentleman with his snake belted turban and Windsor Davies ?

Even when we do get Independence here those halcyon days will bring a smile !!

Financially as slippery as an eel !

 One of the very few crumbs of comfort in maturing age is that you apparently need less sleep ! This brings a need to try all manner of things to fall back into the land of nod in the wee small hours.

For me it seems that reading is the soporific answer ! In this context I've ended up reading some absolute nonsense in the hope it will tilt me back into sleep.

The latest episode was in a history article written about the method of payment for goods and services in the 11th century in England.

In 1086, when the Normans undertook a study to figure out how people lived in the countryside they had conquered and how much it was worth, known as the Domesday Study, they collected more mentions of rents being paid in eels than any other in-kind tax. When the survey was conducted, the English likely owed some 500,000 eels in taxes to landlords around that time. Eel rents paid between the 10th and 17th centuries, and using the British Archives’ medieval currency conversion to calculate what eel rents could mean in today’s dollars. It is estimated at one point that an Amazon prime membership, for example, would cost between 150-300 eels.

Domesday records show payments in pigs, in fish, in ale, and in many other types of food.  Of these in-kind payments, the one that stands out most to modern viewers is likely the eel-rents.  This is in part because, in Europe and the Americas, we have generally moved away from eating eel on anything like a regular basis. Consequently, the idea of eels having any type of social or economic value appears less normal to us the thought of other animals or commodities having negotiable value.  We still eat pigs and drink ale.  But the eel-rents also stand out for the sometimes excessive numbers of animals at play — the village of Harmston, for example, owed the Earl Hugh 75,000 eels per year, and fishermen in Wisbech needed to pay various local monasteries a combined total of almost 35,000 per year.  In the absence of actual coins could you get an overdraft of "Conger Eels" ?

Jellied Eels being a delicacy in certain areas of London makes you wonder why they (Londoners) turn their nose up at other regional delicacies such as Haggis !

Dear God let me get back to sleep !!!

"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts" should be geographically adjusted by the Tories, to Russia !

As "Virgil" so eloquently put it in the 1st century B.C. don't trust your enemies even when they bring "Gifts". 

The Trojans set sail after a prolonged war leaving behind a large wooden horse and the rest of the story is "History" or at least it was when I was at school in the fifties.

The point is that the Tory Party and the United Kingdom under the aegis of Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson and the Tory Party have allegedly been the recipient of largesse, or to put it bluntly, massive "bungs" from a variety of sources in Mother Russia and despite protests from Government that any "British Russian" may donate as much as they like to any British political Party, there is an odour of sewerage from this and if more comes to light then notwithstanding the localised stench in London, you can bet your bottom dollar that Bojo's much vaunted trading arrangements with Trump's USA will disappear quicker than snow off a dyke in July.

When even the traditionally "loyal" Beeb can run a Panorama programme showing that the UK is viewed as one of the centres of financial laundering on an Industrial Scale with some of the UK's largest banks up to their proverbial necks in this monetary effluence then you just know that "partnerships" of any description between for example the USA and the UK are as remote as my being given a literary doctorate !

Oh Woe is me ! Boris Johnson can't manage his finances on his meagre wages of £150,000.00p (plus expenses)

Just how would you manage to get by on £150,000 a year? You'd only have mere £1,743 a week to struggle by on. 

Apparently, the Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has been carping to pals that this isn't enough to live on.

Johnson is reported to be in a foul mood because he can barely afford a nanny and doesn't have a housekeeper. Only a cleaner. 

Not to mention the alleged payments for 4 of the 6 children he has sired ! Just how is he to afford a decent barber and tailor on this pittance?

Mind you, bearing in mind he allegedly "stiffed" the Daily Telegraph by being paid for writing absolute bilge on top of his MP's salary such that the former Editor of the Telegraph and absolutely "true blue" Tory to use the following description of Doris Johnson speaks volumes for his ability as a journalist;

If I had one iota of sympathy for Johnson then I'd be a liar equivalent to "Tom Pepper" who was allegedly kicked out of Hell for telling Porky Pies !

Boris ignores the rule of law to put Britain in the Banana Republic category

Brexit negotiations and his actions this last week, have had the diametrically opposite impact Boris Johnson will have wanted !

The UK cannot remove part of the withdrawal agreement simply by passing an act of parliament. The withdrawal agreement is an international treaty, not a set of options. Treaties, once agreed, cannot be cherry-picked. 

Most obviously it will make a future trade deal nigh impossible – and clearly it's the fault of Britain because it would be Britain that is reneging on a treaty signed only months before. 

It will poison relations with Europe for years to come. Given the state of UK relations with China and Russia, it would only leave America as Britain’s sole friend in terms of global power players. 

So Bojo and the arch clown Trump are hell bent on bringing both countries to their respective knees by their populist antics ! The problem being this particular "Looking Glass" is mirroring the downfall of both systems with Tweedledee and Tweedledum at their helms.

All of this perversely bodes well for n-Alba !  Since even the numpty fishermen and farmers who previously voted for Scottish Tories will have wakened up to the fact that there is no such animal and the list clowns purporting to be Tories in Holyrood will be looking for a job soon enough !

Not all Tories are arses, but this Government most certainly are !

 Without a shadow of doubt Boris Johnson, Dominic Cummings and this government have cast a shadow over the numerous decent law abiding Tories throughout England. 

Across the length and breadth of the shires of England though, there are millions of hard working and honest people who believe in the fundamentals of "Conservatism and Unionism" but it has been crystally clear with their handling of Covid-19 as well as Brexit that the present cabinet/gang of incompetent, greedy, self-centred, grasping and indeed lying fannies are only interested in themselves and their cronies. 

None more so than the Billy Bunter character that is Boris Johnson!

" Crikey I say you chaps ! " 

This Billy Bunter's "Bargain" from 10 Downing Street is only a bargain for his inner coterie and those whose assets are safely salted away in the Channel Islands and the Caribbean !

My real dilemma is that; This Billy Bunter is an asset to Independence and is probably the key to the achievement of that "Nirvana" but for  my friends and family south of Hadrian's Wall, he is an utter clown whose actions will have a detrimental affect on their lives !!

The "United Kingdom" shoot themselves in the foot with accuracy which would've guaranteed Olympic Gold !

 Boris Johnson has yet again brought the U.K. to the edge of an economic precipice !

The world's highest paid clown has reduced the United Kingdom to a complete laughing stock on the global stage! In planning to over-ride the previously agreed parts of the withdrawal agreement and the specific affect this will have on the Island of Ireland (including the 6 counties) this buffoon is endangering the peace agreement !  

If he or more precisely, his puppet master Dominic Cummings, think this will shift the E.U. from the previously agreed position then he is even more stupid than the pictures above show!

Likewise the numpties who own the "Fishing Rights" to the waters around the UK shores. These greedy, self centred fannies will see their support for the Tories in the NE of Scotland wasted as the same Tories will abandon them and their quotas quicker than an eel from their nets.

Greed is the only thing Britain stands for now