"Doris" Johnson "First-foots" Bute House and isn't at all welcome

Traditionally someone "first-footing" your house brings some gifts. Old Etonian Bojo obviously came bearing the square root of naff all. Oh wait a minute he implied there was some £300 million but that it was between Scotland, Wales and Ulster. Of course his predecessor Teresa the twat May already gave her cronies in Ulster £1 billion to hold her hand during her ill fated Prime Ministership. This puts his largesse in context and also the attitude of the Tories towards anything other than their home county benefactors.

His patronising of Scotland's First Minister went down like a bowl of cold vomit and he's obviously more at ease with the females of his acquaintance acquiescing to his needs and was firmly put in his place by Nicola Sturgeon when he tried to guide her into her own property. The "last one" through the door is carefully orchestrated to the leading figure. The First Minister up here holds more sway than the brand new interloper Doris and don't you forget it !

The whole visit to Scotland was another faux pas on the part of a political party that frankly is held in Scotland on par with the black death.

The final straw for this buffoon was his decision to leave by the back door in order to minimise his discomfort at being treated with such disdain!

Haste ye back ? I think not !!!

Sed fugit interea, fugit inreparabile tempus !

Time is flying and beyond recall according to Virgil

The quotation is perhaps relevant to OAP's more than most. Bunty and I are finding that there are insufficient hours in the week much less the day to exercise our brains/abilities/interests.

With our collective voluntary work 4 days a week and the other day set aside for some golf at the beautiful Aigas course, the Monday to Friday is filled more than adequately. Then there is Bunty's yoga, swimming and gymnasium activities and my lawn bowls!

Dog walking, shopping, gardening, housework are all extras which means that these two OAP's are busier now than when we were working !

Therein lies the key ! A laugh a day keeps senility at bay

"Big Bertha" turns out to be a sweet dolly for Thomais on the range

With Bunty on "Nanny" duties with the twins, I took the opportunity to hit the white ball at the Fairways Golf Driving Range. 

Notwithstanding the newly acquired (used) set of Callaway woods and irons with graphite shafts, I'd also got a pretty good copy of the "John Jacob" book of 50 best golfing lessons off eBay and it really is the Oracle at Delphi when it comes to golf tuition. 

Some 50 years ago when I first took up the sport I had a couple of his books (albeit with a sort of soft cover like a magazine) and they'd long since gone in some house clearance or other in the intervening moves. The book was ostensibly for Wilma and her ever steady improvements in golf, but the lure of his expert tuition was not lost on me and it paid dividends today. 

Yes there were a couple of shanks, but for the most part the shots were straight and reasonably long as I attempt to roll back the years off playing the sport with the gammy knees.

Would that I could still get a round of golf on the "Old Course" at St Andrews for the 12/6d it cost in 1968.

Fore !!

Kermit Johnson poses with his potential "Cabinet"

With daily resignations even before the chief muppet moves into No 10; there is a feeling of trepidation amongst nearly all of the public( who can actually think about politics) in the United (?) Kingdom. 

Headline writers are sharpening their quills with such scalpel sharp quips as "Shortest serving P.M. ever" before the arch buffoon even gets through the door. 

If he does become the latest Prime Minister of the U.K. then he's ever more likely to be the last one, (unless they redefine the United Kingdom as England and Wales) since the chances of Scotland being Independent of this sinking debacle and a United Ireland despite the attempts of the D.U.P. are such; that no bookie under the sun would bet against that happening.

SAOR ALBA 

The Tory train is heading for the "Buffers" at top speed!

The train metaphor is pretty appropriate with "Doris" Johnson in the drivers seat. 

He's been, by his standards, pretty low key for the last wee while, which presumably is because his advisors will have cautioned him against the sort of publicity gaffes he's been in the habit of gathering in his previous guises, not the least being as Foreign Secretary.

His plan for a "No Deal" Brexit is the Sword of Damocles hanging over the present             United (?) Kingdom, but as the potential effects of this become clear to the buffoons who actually voted for the archetypal numptie, then the chances of it remaining as a United Kingdom diminish with each passing minute.

For those of us whose sympathies lie in a form of Independence then Doris is the best thing since sliced bread.

Keep it up Boris !!!

"Doris" Johnson is the saviour of Scotland

"Doris" has by all accounts already won the race to No 10 on the basis of votes already cast in the postal system, and to paraphrase Private Frazer of "Dads Army"

We're doomed

This would be cartoon funny were it not to be almost inevitable with his flippant attitude to Brexit, Honesty, Morality and Integrity. "Doris" Johnson is someone who can irreparably damage the United Kingdom even more than Adolf Hitler did !! 

This slovenly reprobate from our public school system is morally capable of doing a trampoline act under a snakes belly, such is his appeal to so few actual Tory Party members who can vote in their system to produce the next Prime Minister.

Ironically, this could benefit Scotland!  To this extent I am genuinely sorry for all my family and friends in England who have no way out of the effects of this failing Tory party and by extrapolation, government in Westminster.

Scotland does have a way out of this morass. 

Vote for Independence!

Bunty is cream crackered by double exertion !

We pensioners have to organise our weekly leisure to accommodate the various roles we have in the voluntary sector, ergo when we get a relatively free day its all hands to the pumps for ourselves. 

Today was just such a day for Bunty as her yoga took up a large chunk of her morning and I was on domestic duties. However, we've definitely decided that one day of the week will see us back on the golf course at Aigas. Today had to be ours for that sport as the rest of the week is booked up at Culloden, the Food Bank and my taking some of the Syrian Ladies into Inversneckie for an assessment of the pop-up café initiative.

Such is Wilma's progress with the wee white ball that she has no less than 4 holes with scores of 5 on each. Even when she sent one inexorably into the trees on the 6th hole, it skelped off of a tree and bounced back out onto the semi-rough.  The putting is coming on leaps and bounds and it was in this game that I discovered her hands were actually arse about face with her left hand lower than the right. A swift change on the 7th tee and it fell into place again with a very decent drive and a wedge to the green over the bunker.

That said, yoga before a round of golf especially when it is more than sitting contemplating ones navel in the yoga stakes is perhaps a tad demanding.  Okay Bunty the lesson is well learned on the part of the caddy.

"Fore"

Caddy, attend to the pin Gildy, Gildy !

The ultimate in "Irony" from the ultimate balloon !

"Princess" Trump is an indirect "Immigrant" herself

The very idea that this slapper should make comments about 4 U.S. Congresswomen in migrant and racist terms is ironic in the extreme!

His ancestors came from Germany and Skye in the Highlands of Scotland, which is hardly Texas with Davey Crockett.

The truth is that all and I mean all Americans are migrants with the exception of the Native Americans (Red Indians to you and me).

Money doesn't talk in the USA, it stands up on the table and shouts ! In this respect our wee Donald was born with a platinum spoon in his gob, yet still manages to lose it hand over fist with his dealings. Had this plonker put his money into Government Bonds he's have had so much more than even he has today!

His tactics when dealing with anyone, be it leaders of countries, diplomats or potential Prime Ministers of his alleged closest ally is simply to bully them with financial muscle. 

A classic bully with the I.Q. of an imbecile !

What has the feckin' world come to when this dope is elected?

Exciting Cricket - Not your normal Sunday at Lords.

England triumph in CWC19

Edge of the seat excitement and cricket are not normally bedfellows, but this match was the very epitome of "nail biting" and the only real winners were the fans of England and neutrals (Scotsmen like me, who know little or nothing of this most English of sports).

The "Black Cats" of New Zealand gave a superb display of bowling and fielding good enough to have won them the trophy despite it appearing eminently achievable at the start of the English innings with a mere 241 runs after 50 overs, thereby holding the original world cup favourites to precisely the same score after their 300 balls. The final CWC19 match then went to crickets version of a penalty shoot out with the super over.

As if that were not excitement enough it went to the very last ball of the "Super Over" then being the deciding factor in the final of the cricket World Cup! This is the stuff of legend and this game will be carved into the annals of cricketing folk-lore!

"United" Kingdom my arse !!

It's fairly obvious that the so called United Kingdom is anything but united. Politically it is riven with strife and the principal parties offer nothing in terms of cohesion, unity of purpose or indeed an outlook with optimism.

The Tory party have to shoulder the most blame insofar that David Cameron lost his nerve with the rise (at that time) of UKIP and its then leader Nigel Farage! This is the very epitome of a "chancer"; he is every inch an opportunist who will do anything and everything to further his own ends.

Fast forward a couple of years under the management of the least effective woman in British politics Theresa May, who single handedly ran the Tory party into the ground by losing a vast majority in Westminster, by needlessly calling a general election in 2017 then had to bung the party of bigots, homophobes and political non-entities under the banner of the Democratic Unionist Party a Billion pounds to cling onto power with her wafer thin majority!

Despite the support of these bigots, she failed to produce the goods in terms of leaving the EU   (a promise made after the referendum to stay in or leave the EU; which was based on lies by a host of politicians) and promptly resigned. 

This left the government rudderless when the seas of politics were getting decidedly choppy. However a caped crusader was needed and the Tories went into a form of meltdown by having a clique of their ilk paired down to two. 

Now we have an election to be held by 0.2% of the population in the shape of Tory party membership, voting to effectively govern the country till the next General Election and their choice is between a Buffoon and a total Non-entity.

versus

The choice is not yours but the minute cabal of Tory card carrying members !

Meantime the so called official opposition under the aegis of Jeremy Corbyn are in turmoil over allegations of anti-Semitism and are singularly failing in providing any opposition to their avowed enemies who are frankly on the ropes metaphorically, on the basis that they too could not organise a piss-up in a brewery.

This utter shambles does have a shaft of light for us north of Hadrian's Wall. The fragmentation of the former principal parties means that the disenchantment of the electorate gives the smaller parties room to expand and for us that means Independence !!

The Sneckie OAP's despair of the quality of T.V. much less the quantity

Bunty and I are in despair of the quality of television; having just watched "Celebrity Gogglebox" it appears that the standard of output from the host of channels now available, notwithstanding the sheer volume of tripe it seems that there are programmes in which people are coerced into ridiculing themselves for a Nano-second of fame, and seeing the father of potential Prime Minister Boris (????) Johnson snuggled up to someone young enough to be his grand-daughter is truly vomit inducing!  Now there's a family I'd cheerfully isolate on an uninhabited island were it not for the fact that Doris Johnson is potentially the key to Independence

Are Bunty and I the only ones not to have seen Love Island?

On the other hand, we watched a film on the Beeb iPlayer which was innocent in content and a comedy delight in taking us back to our youth when double entendres were as smutty as it got.

I'm pretty certain there are none of the cast left alive, but the type-cast cad Terry Thomas with a whole host of stars of the fifties, such as Ian Carmichael, Alistair Sim and Hattie Jaques with her then husband John Le Mesurier (Sergeant Wilson of "Dads Army") is an absolute delight in innocence humour.

Catch it before it goes off to the cellars of BBC House.

Thomais the "Turncoat" switches to "Redcoat"

Culloden today saw the "Disney Cruise" passengers arrive by the boatload (pun intended) to the battlefield, with no sign of Mickey or Minnie Mouse  but enough comic characters to bring a smile to proceedings.

At the same time, in a form of nationality exorcism, yours truly decided that being a lowlander by birth, ex UK Armed Forces, taken the "Kings Shilling" in real terms and with a host of Anglo Saxon friends and relatives it would add some balance to proceedings if I took on the mantle of a Redcoat, since it appeared that everyone else was of a Jacobite leaning.

My initial role was to present the Surgeons kit for those visitors making their way through the various stages of the static exhibition prior to going into the surround sound/vision experience of the actual battle (which is by the way wholly realistic by the makers of the film). The kit is on the verge of gruesome in its implementation with saws, claws and cauterising pokers means that the anaesthetic (Brandy) and a piece of wood to grit their teeth on were probably the most essential items of the kit box.

Visitors from the USA, Australia, Israel, Germany, Spain, Canada, Canary Islands and the length and breadth of the UK made this day another special one for the sole "Redcoat"

The wheels come off Bunty's Buggy

Our second outing to Aigas Golf Course was a smidgen eventful in so far that dearest Bunty had some corking shots but these were outweighed by some Shanks (not of the porcelain variety). That said it was still very enjoyable since we managed to avoid the rain which we'd passed through on the drive to the course. 

The opening hole (The Neuk) is some 515 yards and par 5; which is a bit steep for a novice, but she gamely persevered with her fairway woods. A plea for alcohol was in vain since the course and clubhouse must be the only dry one in Scotland. 

The "Pitch and Run" shots became de rigeur to avoid the bunkers and the putting too saw leaps of improvement notwithstanding the occasional blip and she found one ball without loss of her own. This was cancelled out when I took a three wood shot and sent it out of bounds (and sight into the trees). One ball to the good cancelled by my white knuckle grip.  Hey hoh next week will see the return to this wee gem of a course. 

Tory Party win Bisley "Shooting yourself in the Foot" Trophy

Trump retaliates and "Fox Hunting" becomes an American sport.

Liam Fox's smug kisser is anything but a happy face as the chances of a deal in trade between the U.K. and the United States of America melts like snow off a dyke in July in Abu Dhabi. 

The reaction of the least qualified President of anywhere; to criticism of his White House organisation was to be expected since he's a truculent, petulant spoiled brat in his own life much less in the most important role of the "Free World".

All of which aids the inevitable disintegration of the United Kingdom, since the Tory Party have been instrumental in the whole sorry Brexit debacle.  Scotland voted by a greater margin to stay in the EU and the pandering to UKIP and such xenophobes as Nigel Farage, by David Cameron led to the vote (which the buffoon never in a million years thought he would lose) and promptly dropped the whole of the British Isles in the proverbial. 

Independence would appear inevitable as will a "United" Ireland all courtesy of the "Conservative and Unionist Party" - oh the bitter sweet irony.

Fox headed to the US this week for a meeting with Ivanka Trump (a Bimbo by any other name) to discuss trade (??) when the limpet mine beneath the water line exploded and the comments by the UK Ambassador holed the plans. 

It beggars belief that the people who purport to run this United (?) Kingdom could be so thick !Did they honestly think the furore over the classified comments would not blow up in their faces?  Trump, Bojo, Farage, Hunt, Fox et al; are beyond the pale. There are local councillors across the length and breadth of the country could do a better job than these turkeys.

Ian Paisley Jnr does Trump with pneumatic tyres !

In another leap of scientific bunkum the Northern Irish clown (pictured with the horse above, mind you the horse is probably more aware of history) intimated that burning tyres on Protestant bonfires in Ulster had been traditional  since the time of King Billy in 1690.

John Boyd Dunlop will presumably have infringed any patent rights of William of Orange when he purported to invent the pneumatic tyre in 1887.

I had no time for the Reverend Ian Paisley but he at least had some integrity. His son who is renowned for having a predilection for family holidays in the exotic climes of the Maldives but at the expense of others is apparently as bent as a nine bob note !

The truth flushes the "Special Relationship" down the toilet of vanity

It appears the muppet in the White House is a tad upset because the UK Ambassador to the USA actually had the temerity to imply that the draft dodging President Trump was "inept" and that on the whole the White House staff were unlikely to become substantially more normal; less dysfunctional; less unpredictable; less faction riven; less diplomatically clumsy and inept than they are at present” .

Needless to say this has caused an outbreak of terminal diarrhoea amongst the already skittish UK Government. Liam Fox amongst others has had to requisition Pampers in bulk and his puerile attempts at mitigating Brexit impacted Trade Deals with anyone who has loose change would seem to be on route to the great sewerage plant in the sky.

If you think that this diplomatic faux pas is farcical (and I do !!) then consider that on the news at lunchtime today it was bordering on lunacy when it was asked of Nigel Farage if he would consider the role of Ambassador to the United States as he and the Trump(et) are such close friends.

Two cheeks of the same arse !

Modesty on the part of a man who can only be described as a loose bowel movement in the political arena in the UK, necessitated his effusion that if it helped the UK then he would have to consider it!

Sweet God Almighty, the lunatics have taken over the asylum

Trump and his "Bimbo" daughter plumb the depths of stupidity

Trump redefines the history of aviation with the 1775 US Army claim.

Words fail me ! 

This cretin is ostensibly in charge of the "Free World". If proof were needed that the lunatics are in charge of the asylum, then this is incontrovertible!

Ivanka tries to play with the adults

As if it wasn't bad enough with her ding-a-ling father, along comes the original dumb blonde to project the United States of America in another catastrophic world view.

N.B. To my American friends, worry not we know these two dummies are not representative of the US.

There are awfy fine folk fae a' ower the globe !

In this new chapter to my retirement in the capital of the Highlands, I'm in the enviable position of being in a situation whereby I'm in constant contact with people from all over the world. This is all the more so since I put myself forward to the National Trust for Scotland as a volunteer at Culloden. Our visitors today came from as far afield as Australia, South Africa, East and Western USA, Greece,  The Philippines, Japan and of course England.

Notwithstanding the pleasure of meeting and talking to, a variety of nationalities and outlooks at the superb visitor centre in Cuil Lodair (Gaelic for Culloden), you can't help but become engrossed in the events of April 1746. 

Over half a century ago at school, the subject of history was nothing more than a series of dates and battles or events with nothing more than that date to stimulate your interest in the subject. Volunteering with the National Trust of Scotland though has opened a whole new vista on the subject of history and specifically Scottish History.

I'm also blessed with the two other volunteers on our Thursday stint, who are absolute diamonds to work with. Charles and Liz have been so very, very welcoming and terrific at passing on hints and advice. Their having been involved at Culloden for over 10 years, means their collective experience is invaluable to a novice such as yours truly.

This multi-award-winning visitor attraction will transport you back over 250 years to one of the bloodiest periods in Scottish history and to the final place where the Jacobite army of Bonnie Prince Charlie fought to reclaim the throne. Listen to first-hand accounts leading up to 16 April 1746 when the course of British, European and world history changed forever. Experience the battle in the 360-degree immersion theatre and view breathtaking displays of artefacts and weaponry. Then, pick up one of the multi-lingual electronic guides and walk the battlefield, where over 1,200 Jacobites died in just one hour.

Visit your National Trust for Scotland, it's your history !!

Bunty goes straight over nine holes in beautiful Beauly !

After Bunty's forays into the driving range in Inverness it was time to venture onto the real McCoy.

Beauly in the Highlands has a delightful little 9 hole course called "Aigas" pronounced Ache Ass in Gaelic. This though, is no pain in the posterior in golfing terms. Set in a beautiful glen about 4 miles out of the town, it really is divine and notwithstanding the scenery there isn't a queue of big hitting golfers pressurising us on Bunty's baptism on the course;

No lost balls, only a couple of "fresh air" shots and Bunty can be very proud of her first outing and with a Buggy for a tenner it meant that "Mickey Metal Knees" had a super time with her as her coach.

Bunty may not hit the ball out of sight but she hits it straight and that in itself keeps her score lower than any other first timer.  This is to be a regular outing once a week for the dynamic duo !!!

Politics versus humour ?

I suppose the objective of the blog is to keep my grey cells active. However I have a dilemma in that, part of me wants to rant and rave about the state of politics globally and specifically in the United (?) Kingdom.

However, I have to counter that by some attempts at humour since the whole political scene seems to be in turmoil and is epitomised by the clowns running the asylum. Trump, Johnson (potentially), Kim Jung Un, Putin, Modi, Le Pen, Salvini and Orban all trumpet a form of political supranationalism.

Humour in British politics doesn't get any funnier than the very idea the "Boris/Doris" Johnson may end up the leader of the Tory Party and by extrapolation the United Kingdom. This bungling buffoon stretches credibility to infinity.



The very suggestion that this clown is to be the Prime Minister is only a consolation to those of us who wish Scotland to be untangled from the Palace of Westminster! This is especially so since our vote to stay in the EU was 62-38% in favour of remaining.

The end is nigh for the former United Kingdom.

Reviving rapidly fading I.T. knowledge

My 72 year old brain is frazzled with technology and its impact on my cerebral capacity. Bearing in mind that it is over 54 years since I took up with telecommunications in the RAF  and it was Morse Code and 7BRP teleprinters that could only do about 66 words per minute, then the leap to todays Information age is more than a quantum long jump of Olympic proportions..

Trying to connect via Bluetooth the following (My Bose sound system and various forms of computer with my Apple iTunes music) is a form of mental torture that even the most sadistic masochist would cringe at.

In the end it would appear that Bunty has a better grasp of this malarkey than I do. Use your iPad was the sound advice from her Ladyship, and lo and behold if Apple Corporation need a technical director then for a modest seven figure salary, Bunty is willing to forego her yoga and swimming. It works a treat and now I can make use of the library of music. Hallelujah !!!

We start in Thailand

Reviving the blog now that the muse is upon me and Bunty has been encouraging the same !

Appropriate to open with our Buddhist wedding in Ubon Ratchatani where Phetching, Cleo and Cheeky are our hosts.